But my biggest complaint were the people that showed up in t-shirts, baskettball uniforms, cheerleader uniforms etc… Some people had on shorts and flip flops on. WTF? I know God is forgiving and doesn’t care what you wear, but think of the solomity of the ceremony. It’s a big step in a young Catholics life. Don’t you want your kid to remember this day? And what if you take pictures? Drives me crazy.

I really want one of these shirts. There were some Fillies that had these on at Easter. I think with my gut I would look pretty fly.

CNN

Has anyone read this book?

I tried reading it like 20 years ago and lasted about 2 pages. Way over my head. When I was stationed Andrews we had a blind dark room tech. I should say a blind onelegged darkroom tech. We called him, “Doc.” He had to be about 100 when I knew him. One day I was working the darkroom with him, which was a plum assignment when you were hungover, and he was listening to that book. He said it blew his mind. Now I think maybe he was smoking a little medicinal dope for his blindness. He used to smoke in the darkroom all the time but deny it. He rigged up some venting system so you couldn’t smell the smoke. But we could tell because the cherry end of the cigarette would expose a little dot on the xray film. Cold busted!

Although this fossil was old and blind his mind was amazingly sharp. He would ask me to go get him some coffee from the Shoppette and give me a $20. I would always try to short change him by slipping a $1 into his change. He would feel it and call me out everytime.

When we went back to Andrews the second time I had to get an xray and I asked the tech. if they still had a blind one legged guy that worked in the darkroom. He said no, that guy died but they put up some type of dumb plaque in there. I was sad. Doc, if Dr. Hawking kicks it, I hope you and him get together and discuss his book.

So I’ve been exchanging emails with a buddy of mine from Germany. He was an Enlisted medic before, but know he’s a Officer in missiles. WTF? We played softball and grabass together so we had some good times. What started the email exchange was I couldn’t find this CD in my collection:

While we were in Germany we listened to this over and over. Mrs. OR threatened to divorce me many times if I played it again. We would fire it up around 9:00pm on Friday night and play it over and over until Sunday afternoon. We would consume mass quantities of beer as we were listening to it. Good times. We would play that damn CD on 11 and sing to it. We had many people complain to us and tell us to play something different.

We played in a softball tournament every year up in the Northern part of Germany. It was on the border of Holland and Belgium. It was a NATO base actually. AWACs were flown out of there. Beats me why the tourney was there when they had no medical detachement. It was an all medic tournament so we had people from England, Italy and around Germany, It was a 3 day tournament over a weekend. We would arrive on Friday afternoon and get our campsite up and functioning. I always hung my sign up, “Free Mustache Rides.”

We would celebrate the campsite erection by crackin’ a beer. And then the serious drinking would commence.

We would usually drink until 2 or 3am. Lots of nudity would be involved. One time a glow stick was broken and smeared all over the inside of a tent. After it was removed from my ass. The last time i went to the tourney, I remember rolling over in my tent like at 9:00am and hearing a game going on. I thought, “What idiots would be playing at this ungodly hour?” It was our team. So I didn’t make it to that game. The last year I went we got eliminated by Saturday afternoon. So instead of driving home, we decided to stay and drink. On Sunday afternoon I was pretty ripe because the shower facilities were less than desirable. I don’t shower with other dudes because I don’t want ti put them to shame. Jason Read and I were sitting on the bleachers and I was in a farting kind of mood. I would cut a huge fart on the metal bleachers and point to Jason when someone turned around. Finally someone said, “Unless he is a fartuiliquist, I don’t think it’s him. Would you please stop?” Like I said, good times.

I’ve run out of steam, so I’ll write more later. Out!

4. Fiji weekend at University of Florida (UF). This one really is hazy. I remember seeing scantily clad women dance to, “Here she comes again” by the Cars. That’s about it for the party. The one thing I do remember about that trip is the drive home. Myself and Mr. Ivey were enjoying the scenic drive back to Haines City. We were tooling along on the Florida Turnpike and we had just entered the Turnpike so we were south of Okahumpka service plaza. Mr. Ivey was driving and I was enjoying the fresh air coming in the window. At this point Mr. Ivey blew a tire and we had to pull over to change the tire. As we were opening the trunk, I asked Mr. Ivey, “Where is your spare?” Mr. Ivey replied, “That was my spare.” At this point I think I may have let out a bit of salty language. I informed him that driving such a great distance with no freakin’ spare is not a good idea. We proceeded to walk down the road a bit an used the call box next to the road.

A short time later we were picked up and driven back to the service plaza. Being as we were students at the time we had about $0 between us. I called my parents and they said they would come help us out. In the mean time, Mr. Ivey and myself became quite thirsty. We ran several scams between us to try and determine the best way to obtain a drink. Finally I came up with the, “The Coke machine took my money scam.” I informed the proprietor of the store that the machine out front took my money and did not provide me with the requested refreshing cold drink. The woman came outside and opened the machine up and said, “Hmm. usually when it takes your money and doesn’t dispense, you can see the money right here,” as she pointed at the bowels of the machine. I informed her that I most certainly inserted my money and I desire my cold refreshing drink. She said, “Oh well,” and gave me my drink. Scam was successful. My parents arrived soon after and we replaced the tire and drove home.

3. Funnel King. Yes in the past I have been known to go down to my local home supply store and purchase a length of tubing and a large plastic funnel and combine them to drink beer out of. On this trip Mr. Owens, Mr. Turner and myself acquired 3 tickets to see the University of Miami take on YOUR Florida Gators in a basketball match. These tickets were given to Mr. Turner by his uncle who was a Bull Gator. We drove to Gainsville in Mr. Turner’s Jeep Cheorokee. We arrived in plenty of time for the match and decided to have several pre-game cocktails. We proceeded to our seats and cheered for our team as best as we could. Mr. Turner let several very offensive obscenities fly during the contest. The people behind us and in front of us were very offended by Mr. Turner’s use of such salty language. We watched YOUR gators thoroughly destroy the Hurricanes and proceeded to celebrate at a local drinking establishment. It was later learned that several spectators wrote letters to the UF Alumni complaining about Mr. Turner’s language. Mr. Turner’s uncle almost lost his choice seats to future UF basketball games.

After a several hour drinking binge, we decided to make our way back to the greater Haines City area. As Mr. Turner was completely intoxicated and I only had a slight buzz, I was volunteered to drive us home. As I was drving down I75 Mr. Owens and I had a heated debate about who drank the most beers that night. As we were driving along, Mr Owens was in the passengers seat and decided to one up me and try and funnel a beer as were were motoring along. I told Mr. Owens that was not in the best interest of anybody in the car because the local law enforcement would find a person dangling a funnel out the window highly suspicious. We then decided that maybe we all had consumed to much alcohol and decided to rent a place of lodging for the rest of the evening. Once again we were only students so we would not be able to afford a room for each of us. And we would not be able to afford the extra person charge for a single room. So Mr. Turner by this time had sobered up enough to let Mr. Owens and myself out of the vehicle while he completed the check in process. Mr. Owens and I hid behind a small outdoor sign while Mr. Turner acquired the room. After Mr. Turner recieved the key to the room, Mr. Owens and I walked to the room and entered. Since the room was a single, and we were not the 3 stooges, I decided to sleep on the floor. And since I am 100% heterosexual I thought that was the best plan of action. We giggled like school girls for several more hours and drifted of to a sound sleep.

2. Senior class-1988. For our Senior Skip Day, we acquired the permission to take haven at the hunting camp for the day. Since we were restricted to this area, we were able to consume as much alcohol as we desired. Since most of the people were lightweights and soon became intoxicated, I felt that I needed to drink twice as much as them and twice as fast. Soon I was completely incapacitated and down for the count. Mr. Johnson was sitting on the swamp buggy puking his brains out. During this time, Ms. Smith and myself, (Goddman I miss her) had a giggle fest because I removed my contacts lenses to go swimming in the swimming hole. We had placed my lenses in a sterile solution in a set of plastic cups. We then made up a rhyme to remember which cup held which lens. We came up with the rhyme, “Right is red” because the right lens was in a red cup. Stepping outside the comedy for a second. I miss Christy so much. I hadn’t talked to her in 20 years, but I remember that day like it was yesterday. I proceded to pass out from borderline alcohol poisoning and awoke around the midnight hour. By that time I was ready to continue the party, but everyone else was done for the night.

The memory of the party at Gayla Boones house is sketchy at best. I do remember Mr. Smith laying down in Ms. Sheeks vomit. I also remember Mr. Smith and I helping ourselves to several items in Ms. Boones abode. If memory serves me correctly, mr. Smith acquired a switchblade that night. Also at this time, Mr. Burry opened the door to the restroom to relieve his girly bladder and found Mr. Oneal sitting on the toilet rolling a fairly large marijuana cigarette. Mr. Oneal appeared startled and said, “Well excuse the fuck out of me.” I believe a bowling ball was also removed from the abode that night.

1. Plate/dick dance. This is another situation that is a little sketchy. Myself and my beautiful wife decided to visit a local drinking establishment in Montgomery Alabama. The name of the establishment was Sharky Shuck and Jive. As I progress in my old age, I realize that is a stupid name for a nightclub. This establishment had a country side and a rock side. We were in the rock side enjoying a few adult beverages. For some reason that night the management of the establishment decided to have a pie eating contest. This was the early 90′s so I guess pie eating was a hot thing. After the contest they left several unused paper plates up on the stage/dancefloor. I proceded to start cutting a rug with several ladies and picked up the plates and started using the plates as a prop. Kind of like strippers used fans back in the day. Since I thought I was a stripper back in the day, I decided to go for the full effect and let me penis come through my zipper. I was covering my penis as I was dancing. Only letting people get a quick glance. My wife was siting with several people and one of them asked her, “Hey! Isn’t that your husband out there?” My wife was slightly embarrassed and still is to this day.

Once again, I want to thank the commitee for letting me address these charges that have been leveled against me. I do have several sotries that were not addressed at this time but as I remember them I will make them public.

User: Hey, I stepped away from my desk for a minute and when I came back it says the computer is locked

OR: Do you maybe have a work order in and someone is installing software remotely? Some times when we see they are idle we will log off the user and log in and fix issue.

User: No! I’ve been using it all morning with no issues. It just says locked

OR: Hit Ctrl-Alt-Delete and tell me whos name is in the username filed

User: Well it says my name

OR: Type in your password and tell me what happens

User: It works!!!! What did you do?!?!?!

OR:  Sir, the computers are set to lock themselves if there is inactivity for security purposes.

User: Well that’s stupid. Everyone will have to call so you can unlock them. You can’t expect us to sit in front of the computer all day and not take a break!!!

OR slaps palm in his face. Please Lord. I know I’m not the best Catholic boy on the block. I tend to flirt. I like porn. But I really want that other job. If you don’t want a mass influx of people in heaven because i sent them there, let me have that job!!!!

So what has happened in my life since the No Fatties! post? Nothing. I took all my finals and I pulled B’s in all three classes. The 100 on my paper in my history class saved my ass because I failed the final. It was 5 short essay questions and 3 long ones. I answered them all correctly but didn’t write enough according to him. WTF? And I only spent 40 minutes on the test. Get bent. I’m sorry I write so fast and knew the material inside and out. I tired to appeal to him but no dice. I guess I should take my B and walk away.

So….. I’ve been thinking about growing up in my little piece of heaven in Central Florida. I really miss Florida, just not sure about Polk County. Comprende? I really loved my neighborhood and it was nice and peaceful, until Tony moved in. Tony was way older than me. I think at least 5 years. He was the one that got me turned on to beer. Damn him!!! We used to drink Black Label and sit in the garage of the flat top house across the street from me. Ivey remembers those nights. We were the orignal Trench Coat Mafia. We all bought these black overcoats from the Goodwill. Hey it was the 80′s, what do you expect.

Another thing that was hot in my neighborhood was throwing oranges at cars as they drove by on the highway. For you non Polk Countians visiting here, back in the day Polk County was full of orange groves. We had huge ones at the end of the street. And when winter time came along they were nice and full of oranges. Originally it started out as throwing racquet balls at semis as they drove by. We would wait for the bus on that little concrete island next to major freakin’ highway. Look at this picture, only one I could fine. See the little yellow stripes? That used to be concrete too that you could stand on.

Death zone

While we waited on the bus we would throw a tennis or racquet ball at the semi trailers as they went by. If you caught it, it was 10 points. If it bounced first then 5 points. If you threw it in the window of the truck and hit the driver the game was over.

Eventually that turned in to throwing oranges at trucks, which turned in to throwing them at cars, which turned in to God help us. One night we took a bicycle rim and put it in the highway. Nobody would hit that right? Not 2 minutes later a big ass Caddy hits it and starts dragging it. Sparks flying. We laughed. Then those little brains started working. We used to do quite a bit of dumpster diving back in those days. One time we found a child car seat. Hmmmm. What should we do with that? We out a baby doll in it and put it in the road. 2 minutes later, toast. I remember the first time Ivey joined us in one of our escapades. Tony and I told him to help us break these huge limbs off of the punk trees that used to be in front of our neighborhood. Dennis asked why and we told him we would show him. We would lay the limbs across the lanes on the road and sat back and watched. You would hear a car run over them and make a really loud whack. It sounded like they blew a tire.

Eventually we ran out of ideas so we went simple. We would take the garbage bags out of my trash cans and place them in the road. People would just run smack over them and spread garbage everywhere. I bet I could go back there and still find some of my garbage.

Eventually we really ran out of ideas and for some reason we decided to throw wet toilet paper. I filled up a 5 gallon bucket of water and got a couple of rolls of shit paper. I stood next to the road with my back towards oncoming traffic. I had this weird ESP type thing where I could tell when a car was close and I should throw. So I feel a car coming and I turn and fire a wet ball of T.P. It hit right on the star of a Polk County Deputy Sheriffs door. Perfect shot. We took off as he screeched to a halt and turned around. We climbed up the trees in my front yard as he drove around shining his car light. Never did find us.

Look at my parents house. And look at the red car in the driveway. That’s my dads Elvis car. I can tell this picture was taken in the winter because the Sycamore trees that we hid in the front yard are bare. And this was post Hurricane Charlie too because one of them is smaller than the other. Nice cars in the backyard of “The drug.” Holy crap!!! I know what I’m talking about tomorrow!!!

Aeromedical Evacuation (AE) refers to specialized medical transportation units in the US Air Force. Within the US Air Force, AE is coordinated by Air Mobility Command located at Scott Air Force Base, Illinois. There are four active-duty AE squadrons in the USAF, but the 375th Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron, Scott AFB, and the 43d Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron, Pope AFB, North Carolina, are the only two located within the continental United States. All AE units are primarily manned by personnel from the Air Force Medical Service, but are usually aligned under an Operations Group instead of a Medical Group. Aeromedical evacuation usually involves medical transportation of active-duty military members, but in the past, AE also included a significant amount of transportation of military dependents requiring specialized care. Until recently, the Air Force had a number of specialized C-9 Nightingale aircraft dedicated to aeromedical evacuation. These aircraft have now been retired from service.

C9 Nightingale

Currently, aeromedical evacuation is used to transport injured from Operation Iraqi Freedom, and Operation Enduring Freedom, as well as to respond to humanitarian missions such as Hurricane Katrina. Units such as the 43d Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron, located at Pope AFB, North Carolina provide tactical aeromedical evacuation for U.S. troops and regional Unified Commands using C-130 Hercules, C-17 Globemaster III, and other opportune aircraft. AE flight nurses and medical technicians have the capability to fly patients on over 5 different aircraft. The primary aircraft used include the C-17, KC-135, C-21, C-130, and the KC-10. The medical crew is fully self-contained. They have their own oxygen and only need to plug in to the aircraft’s electrical system. Since Oct. 2001, more than 48,000 Soldiers, Marines, Sailors and Airmen have been aeromedically evacuated in support of the Global War on Terror for both battle and non-battle injuries.

Here are several pics of what a typical aircraft configuration looks lie:

And as a special treat, here is Mrs. OR herself. She swears this was a scratch instead of a pick.

And last one. This is the aircraft the Mrs. OR flies on now: